In case you hadn’t realised by now, I love photography! My husband and kids would all tell you if they had a dollar for every time I said “I wish I had a camera” they’d all be millionaires. Well, for the last 4 or 5 years I’ve been telling myself that as soon as I get some spare cash I’d buy myself an SLR camera.
When I took this photo on a little old cannon digital camera recently, I fell in love with macro settings and started dreaming about what I could do with an SLR. When Megan Bayliss travelled with me for some work recently, she teased me with her SLR and got some stunning pics – talk about camera envy!
Imagine my shock when a couple of days ago my parents handed me some cash and insisted I buy myself an SLR camera! Horrified I insisted that that wasn’t necessary, and they equally insisted I take the money and buy the damn camera! I’ve spent a bit of time with mum and dad showing them how to use their little camera and tweak photos through apps, create slide shows and even some audio photographic stories.
Torn between knowing we have bills to pay (the bloody pool pump died unexpectedly just to cap it all off) and that the opportunity for my parents to express their appreciation in this incredible gift is deeply meaningful, left me filling ill – can you believe that? The contrast between guilt for the pressure my husband bears being the only one in our household earning a regular income and joy for the little girl in me who has had been given the gift of finally experiencing respectful relationships with both of my parents feels like a double edged sword.
I took myself off to yoga today and allowed myself to drop down in to the deliciousness of peace, tranquility and letting go. And it worked – I founds some space to just be. My commitment to self care, self pace, self love while shakey, is solid. Just for today I give myself permission to ride the tide of guilt and joy and search for the middle ground – always seeking to hold space with love and integrity and to let go and let god.
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