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How do guilt and joy make peace?

In case you hadn’t realised by now, I love photography! My husband and kids would all tell you if they had a dollar for every time I said “I wish I had a camera” they’d all be millionaires. Well, for the last 4 or 5 years I’ve been telling myself that as soon as I get some spare cash I’d buy myself an SLR camera.

When I took this photo on a little old cannon digital camera recently, I fell in love with macro settings and started dreaming about what I could do with an SLR. When Megan Bayliss travelled with me for some work recently, she teased me with her SLR and got some stunning pics – talk about camera envy!

Imagine my shock when a couple of days ago my parents handed me some cash and insisted I buy myself an SLR camera! Horrified I insisted that that wasn’t necessary, and they equally insisted I take the money and buy the damn camera! I’ve spent a bit of time with mum and dad showing them how to use their little camera and tweak photos through apps, create slide shows and even some audio photographic stories.

Torn between knowing we have bills to pay  (the bloody pool pump died unexpectedly just to cap it all off) and that the opportunity for my parents to express their appreciation in this incredible gift is deeply meaningful, left me filling ill – can you believe that? The contrast between guilt for the pressure my husband bears being the only one in our household earning a regular income and joy for the little girl in me who has had been given the gift of finally experiencing respectful relationships with both of my parents feels like a double edged sword.

I took myself off to yoga today and allowed myself to drop down in to the deliciousness of peace, tranquility and letting go. And it worked – I founds some space to just be. My commitment to self care, self pace, self love while shakey, is solid. Just for today I give myself permission to ride the tide of guilt and joy and search for the middle ground – always seeking to hold space with love and integrity and to let go and let god.


  1. Megan Bayliss on June 23, 2012 at 11:43 am

    Stop being Catholic. Guilt be gone.
    Mother Carole and Father wanted to gift you something special but you tried to block it. What would the Universe make of that!
    I am so very grateful that you realised and that you bought the camera 🙂 Go rechargable batteries too and the environment will love you all the way, sista <3 Mxxxxx

    • Bronwyn on June 24, 2012 at 10:30 am

      that’s the one! be gone Catholic guilt – be gone!!
      and likewise, Megan Bayliss, you have a room in my heart now and forever!!! xoxoxo

  2. Carole Murray on June 23, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    Reading your Gratitude Blog,& knowing the enjoyment & pleasure photography brings to you,in so many ways gave both of us great pleasure in being The Giver for a change.

    It reminds me of discovering from experience, the correct tools I needed to help me make the completed project possible.

    You too have helped reconstruct our direction in daily life Bron, which has now become an interesting arrangement of love.

    We are Grateful to love our exciting new discoveries. Like the perfection deeply hidden inside the flower you photographed we too discovered hidden feelings inside. Examining the flower more closely you realise nothing or none is perfect or the same, it’s simply the discovery that makes it so beautiful.

    • Bronwyn on June 24, 2012 at 10:34 am

      forever grateful mum for all you’ve taught and continue to teach me! thank you thank you thank you xoxoxoxo

  3. Janelle on June 24, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    My dearest Bron – what a gift!
    Embrace……. and then let go…….

    • Bronwyn on June 26, 2012 at 7:08 am

      My dearest Janelle! thank you so much for yesterday – the lesson is one I’m still processing… much much love and gratitude as always xx

  4. Marg on June 25, 2012 at 10:13 pm

    So glad you accepted the gift Bron – expecting stunning photos now! Love the profound wisdom of Mum: “it’s simply the discovery that makes it so beautiful”. xx

    • Bronwyn on June 26, 2012 at 7:19 am

      Thanks Marg! Carole Murray really is the best mum in the world, and I’m so glad you’ve had the opportunity to meet her.

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