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Phoenix Rising

Phoenix

I feel remarkably blessed to be alive. In August 2009 I had the great fortune of having a hysterectomy. Isn’t it fascinating to think that even ten years ago, women in general would not have openly talked about this procedure? I probably wouldn’t have either back then, so I feel doubly delighted to do so now with great ease. My specialist recommended the procedure for me back in 2005. Being the stubborn iron woman that I was then, I scoffed and took myself off to try every alternative healing modality I ‘had time’ for in my extremely busy life… In amongst a number of things, I tried accupuncture, herbs, yoga, iridology, meditation, guided visualisation, homeopathy, bush flower essence, detox, exercise, reiki. I finally returned to traditional medicine in late 2008 after my body went into total shutdown. Having to be  carried into Accident & Emergency with absolutely no bodily control was NO fun… I agreed that it was time for me to reconsider being the ‘queen of complimentary therapy’ and undertook 12 months of medication before I finally signed up to become a ‘hyster sister’.

In my infinite wisdom, I also decided that I needed to quit my fast paced ‘busy brain syndrome’ world of work and reignite my consultancy. I have always loved motivating and teaching people so I decided to add another tag to my titles (they were important back then) and enrolled in a coaching course.  I casually (on a wing and a prayer) put plans into place to resign from my job on 15 August, have surgery 21 August and have my business up and running by 14 September. I had no reason to think this was not possible, what with my drive and motivation and the backing of my darling, I clumsily proceeded with my plans. Several times over the next 6 months I was to hear a little voice in my head repeating that old adage “if you wanna give god a good laugh, tell her your plans”…

I’m told the hysterectomy itself was a straightforward procedure, it was the massive infection I suffered afterward that turned my life upside down and saw my well laid plans float out the window. Apparently I was in acute care for 11 days (?) ~ I was too ill to notice. I was to have five more hospital admissions over the next seven weeks.  It didn’t take long for me to be on first name basis with kitchen staff, cleaners, nurses and doctors. the nutritionist and the likes.  Those 8 weeks proved to be some of the most profound times of my life,  for which I remain eternally grateful. I came to learned so much more than I could have ever imagined. What was supposed to be a straight forward procedure turned out to be the  opposite. The biggest blessing of all was I finally allowed my vulnerabilities to be seen and be heard.

My protective shield that I had worn in many battlefields throughout my life no longer fit and I was unable to stand unsupported. In bearing my vulnerabilities, I came face to face with the depths the love of my life was to go to, in shielding me from the world I almost slipped away from. This unfamiliar experience exposed us to changes we would come to savour. During long empty spaces when all I could do was be still and turn inwards I became reacquainted with my authentic self and began to strengthen the essence of me. An expedition I had attempted many times yet never felt previously successful with, this internal long walk home became comforting, nurturing and revealing.

As I allowed anger, rage and rejection to dissolve I was confronted with my new reality. It was time to take off the cape and hand over the banner ~ ‘Superwoman has retired!’ Being in the moment of each and every day was all I could manage and was enough to focus on.  Exposing my vulnerabilities was at moments horrifying, and yet at other times, liberating and most insightful. My mantra to my loved ones was “just call me Phoenix!”, darling even bought me a beautiful orchid we called Phoenix. He bought me two actually, the first one he dubbed ‘Dennis’ after Dennis the mennis and the bloody thing died! Hence the second orchid was bought ~ and obviously happy with it’s namesake and symbology  ‘Phoenix’ is flowering today.

Our lives have changed enormously as a result of what some would have considered a nightmare. On the downside, our finances took a severe battering. However on the upside, we have a richer, fuller more meaningful life now. I never have suffered fools well, and now more so than ever. I have severed relationships those who do not value and understand unconditional love and only invite love and light into our world. Just like Phoenix rising up out of the ashes, I too have risen strengthened in the knowledge that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Ashes from a nearby fire softly dust my shiny new apple mac as I type and remind me that life is for the living and each moment is precious and once lived, cannot ever be relived again.

“Carpe Diem”

1st June 2010

10 Comments

  1. katvic on June 2, 2010 at 1:03 am

    What a beautiful story. Being able to see the good in any situation is truly God’s gift.
    I posted a recent tradegy on Glog-Global Prayer. The pets shop where my husband has managed for almost 20 years went up in flames yesterday. Through the efforts of good samaritans, firemen and police, all the puppies/cats/bunnies were saved. Some of the birds and fish weren’t so lucky. But the love that surrounded the shop yesterday was incredible. As they rebuild I’m sure we’ll learn life-lessons.
    I’ll catch up with the challenge tomorrow. Peace and love…..

    • Bronwyn on June 2, 2010 at 1:07 pm

      Thank you Kathy! I have replied on Glog-Global Prayer as well xx

  2. pinkie on June 2, 2010 at 6:44 am

    The tool for learning is oftime harsh. The lessons even better learned and cherished. When I view my own moments of learning, I wonder if the lesson was to be learned so I could be there for others going through the same. You talk to a former Wonder Woman yourself. How the mighty are fallen. There is so much JOY in the liberation, it was worth suffering through it. Dont they fire the the metal and beat it into shape by the artisan so it will be the best tool in the Universe. Give a kiss from me to to Phoenix. Plants love kisses. They thrive on affection. You constantly astound me. There are so many facet to your diamond. You are a priceless collector and spreader of divine light. Please ignore my latest e-mail. It is no longer pertinent. Thank you for your friendship and your leadership. In loving, caring JOY. XXO

    • Bronwyn on June 2, 2010 at 1:09 pm

      Ah I thought I suspected a former wonder woman 😉 and yes in~deed, there is JOY in the liberation >:D< I will kiss Phoenix for you and continue to enjoy sharing this sacred space we have created here ~ Om ~

  3. Brenda on June 3, 2010 at 6:13 am

    Oh Bron I Love the story and I know we have talked about this but the tears are really flowing immensely now . It touches my soul very deep and I felt the pain you were going through as you were fighting for your life .

    In our darkest moments is when we totally give our Lives to our higher selves and know we have to first see the darkness in order to see the Light 🙂

    I am so impressed with Phoenix Rising Beautiful ~ Om

    There are many changes taking place in our lives as we Awaken to the Oneness and know that we are all Breathing the same Breath as all Creation and All That IS ~ Loving Giving Sharing that is our Life purpose ~!~

    You totally Rock my world sister of my heart and have taught us with us Being the most important part of the process as a teacher you are so inspiring and your Love is so Deep & Compassionate with all you help.

    Keep on shining like the Beautiful *Star* you are you are always in my heart as I Am you as You are Me 🙂 Keep your High Beams on Lighting the World 🙂 Love you madly xXx

    • Bronwyn on June 3, 2010 at 3:45 pm

      Bren thank you thank you thank you ~ I was reluctant about publishing this post and am so very glad that I did now ~ Your kindness nourishes me and inspires me to keep writing 🙂 You have been such an integral part of my writing journey and I remain eternally grateful ~ thank you sister~of~my~heart 🙂 ~xXx~ Om shanti shanti shanti Om ~

  4. Go4TheGold2Day on June 4, 2010 at 7:58 am

    Jeez, Bron!!! Sounds to me like you were really ‘Put through the Ringer’ and for One who found Enjoyment out of Ironing … How Ironic it is that you survived and are a ‘Perfectly Pressed’ Garment of Gratitude & Humility. Phew! Talk about being pressed down, shaken together & running over with Your life threatening experience! Ahhhhh …. but look at the Beautiful Tapestry of Bronwyn Clee that evolved out of it!!! I have much to learn from you, My Friend. With my recent experience of finally allowing myself to ask for your help, I have learned that maybe it’s time for me to ‘Take off the Cape’ too, as you put it. My sister often tells everyone that I think I am ‘Mighty Mouse!’ Hah! I am so Humbled & Encouraged at the same time … by the Life Lessons you have learned and so Blessed because you were such an Avid Seeker and would not quit! I admire those qualities in an individual. You have Inspired me. I know beyond any Shadow of a Doubt that it was Divine Intervention when you called me the other night. I will never be able to thank you enough or repay you … accept … by following in your footsteps of being an Example and a Testimony of His Love. I love sharing this Journey with you, My Friend. You have my utmost respect and admiration for the Life Choices you made when you were about to lose your own life. Tons of Love … My Heart says I Love You.

    • Bronwyn on June 4, 2010 at 5:54 pm

      I am humbled by your heart felt sharing Go4TheGold2Day! In love and honour I support you to take off the cape LOL ~ liberation is pure and peace is profound my friend ~ I am blessed to know you and to share the journey so far! In love and friendship ~ self care ~ self pace ~ self love ~ Om ~ xXx ~

  5. Go4TheGold2Day on June 5, 2010 at 2:07 am

    Yes! It is time … to not only take off the cape … but to also simultaneously … throw it into the Flames of the Fire … consuming it into ashes only to miraculously rise again, as with The Phoenix. I am willing now & hopeful of withstanding … and ‘ Trusting ‘ the purification Process. Namaste Bron, Debbie

    • Bronwyn on June 5, 2010 at 4:49 pm

      You GO GIRL 🙂 flames and ashes are cathartic in~deed 🙂 And Rise Again YOU will ~ strengthened and honed like never before ^:)^ Much love and light ~Om~

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